Having issues with my husband's greyhound

[highlandnlights]

Hello everybody,

I'm here to ask for advice for something quite important.
One year ago I met my future husband and I was soon introduced to his rehomed greyhound. She had never shown any particular issues against me until I moved in. Then a long series of problems started, I've no idea if out of jealousy or what.
The greyhound is a female, quite old now (more than 11 years) but she's wailing constantly, at any hour of the night or early morning, destroying the garden and.... she even po*ed in the main hall on our wedding day (so that we had a surprise as soon as we came back home!).

The long list of problems would probably be endless but the worst part is that she behaves a lot worse when she's alone with me so that I appear a crazy woman hating animals despite I love them and this is also a constant source of argument between me and my husband too.
To give you an idea I didn't have any honeymoon because the dog can't stay in a kennel for more than few days.
Is there any solution to this? I wouldn't like to rehome her if it's not the best solution for her too (which it doesn't seem given that she's old).

- Sorry, came back to add that I was also the one feeding her usually but we had to stop because she tried to bite me a couple of times. I now feed her only in my husband's presence.

[vickyb]

Has she had a thorough check up by the vet? She's at an age where health issues could be starting. Do you think she could be getting senile? If you google it in dogs you'll get an idea of the symptoms. If she is then it could explain why she's worse with you as you're new and possibly a bit scary in her confused state.
Good luck

[highlandnlights]

Thanks vickianne for your reply. We took her to the vet in August and she's doing great. She had a blood test done too because she was drinking a lot, so we suspected kidney failure, but results were ok.

We thought about her getting senile too, because every now and then she appears as confused, staring away. But then she was always back to the usual. Anyway, I might googled it in case I noticed some other symptoms.
It seemed weird because she've always been very quiet and lovely with me until I moved in with my then boyfriend, now husband.

[Lisa]

She isnt black by any chance is she? ;D I can imagine its quite bemusing for you and possibly distressing but you probably also have to see it from *her* point of view aswell. As Vickyanne says a thorough vet check is the first port of call to make out she isnt going senile or getting to distressed.
How long has your husband had the dog and has she been his soul companion during that time? There is possibly an element of jealousy involved BUT I can imagine there is also an element of lack of indulgence by him on her part now compared to when they lived alone together. ALL of his attention would have been focused on her, his conversation, his cuddling time possibly even sharing of the *marital bed*. Has she been relegated out of the bedroom now since you arrived on the scene and prior to that was she allowed into the bedroom? I think YOU need to put some work in to try and form a bond with her. Take over the feeding and walking and try to make sure both of you are making time for her but without fussing her all the time. Dont offer her attention on demand but wait till she is settled, call her over for special cuddle times then send her back to her bed. If she hasnt slept in the bedroom before maybe as she is getting older she is getting a little confused and slightly vulnerable and taking her bed into your room where she will settle down quietly is the kindest thing for her. She is not trying to punish you but perhaps feeling a little left out and as dogs get older they do get prone to more house training accidents as they need to go more often, as do we when we age. Take her house training back to basics and put her out hourly with lots of positive rewards when she goes, praise and ham or cheese. How are you handling her accidents are you telling her off but you must not NEVER and that would cause arguements here between myself and a partner. ALSO remember that the more you argue over her the more you are likely to cause these problems as hounds are very sensitive and will pick up and sense that something is wrong especially if it was just her and him before and the house was quiet.
I may be wrong but from your post it reads more like you feel you are tolerating her instead of embracing her being part of both of your lives and you have to accept she was a part of his life before he met you and now she is apart of both of your lives. Its not you and him against her or her and him against you. Please she is an old girl, probably doesnt have much time left, indulge her and enjoy her because hounds are such beautiful souls. Dont let her time left be full of misery and arguing. Have her nearer by and turn a blind eye to little accidents its a very small price to pay for something so dears genuine affection.

[highlandnlights]

No, she's yellow lol

It's very distressing for me and above all, having had many pets too, I feel I'm being cruel sometimes, I never lost the patience with a pet so often.

If I try to be over-sensitive and full of understanding, then she starts harassing us even more, so that my husband loses her patience.

The problem is that she was never very affectionate, as I am for example. You found a good adjective, you 'tolerated' her. I feel you're right in your assessment but pls don't see this only the dog's side though. I really did whatever I could, but it's just that the dog was never affectionate at all (so my husband says). She comes to be petted only if she wants to be fed, beyond that she barely tolerates people around (again, I'm telling you something that my husband says, I couldn't know otherwise).

My husband took her because he felt lonely and depressed and he had her for nearly 7 years. There wasn't ever any girlfriend living with him before me, so he was her companion.

She wasn't ever allowed in the bedroom even before even if sometimes she would sneak into the bedroom and sleep on the bed knowing she wasn't allowed, but if my husband caught her she would be rebuked.
Now she can't venture into the bedroom anymore anyway, the bedrooms are on the first floor.

The only place I relegated her out was the sofa but that didn't happen when I moved in but when we all moved into a new house before the wedding. She never seemed to mind though.

Is it possible that my husband did something wrong in training her too? Because for example we now feed her twice a day, nearly 11 hrs apart and that stopped the wailing in the morning.

[craigandbev]

My husband and I own and foster older greyhounds and I would ask you to read Lisa's thread

We also didn't go on honeymoon but it was a mutual decision as we didn't want to put the dogs we had at the time in kennels. We enjoyed our time off with our dogs

I hope things work out for you all. What is the greyhound's name?


Bev

[Lisa]

Greyhounds should ALWAYS be fed two meals a day and from a raised feeder. They are very prone to a condition called gastric torsion and this means that two meals a day reduces the risk.
Greyhounds are quite aloof dogs BUT as they get older they do get more attentive and enjoy their humans company and become a little more tolerant. The whining is possibly more of an indicator she needs to go to the toilet more often, is getting hungrier as she gets older.

I am hastenting a guess that a large part of this if she has had 7 years being allowed the comfort of a sofa and now isnt that that again may be half the problem. Declare one of the sofas hers and place a throw on it and let her be she will settle much easier.

Im not sure what exactly it is that you are both losing your temper about with her from your posts is it simply her asking for more attention and being a bit more vocal about it? One thing I have learnt over the years is the one thing greyhounds HATE with a passion is being ignored! If so then try again to see it from her point of view. If everytime you spoke to your husband or your husband spoke to you and you wanted each others attention you got ignored or cranky with each other it would make you more concious of the fact and more likely to work harder for attention because you are desperate to put things right make the person like you more. She may be worried and her attention seeking behaviour is becoming a force of habit because she isnt sure what went wrong. As you said yourself she was your husbands constant companion for 7 years and now she has someone else to contend with, a house move, a new routine she must be feeling really really confused at her age. Just try to relax with her. I do feel though that if she is now only being tolerated and is getting on both your nerves that her end days may not be fruitful or enjoyable and you both really have to sit down and decide whether you can cope with her being around anymore. I dont say that lightly but would hate for you two to continue falling out and her getting more and more insecure if she is becoming a burden.

One thing I can say as someone who has lived with old greyhounds and I am sure everyone else here will tell you is that we adore and embrace their quirkiness as they older they get the quirkier they get. Much the same as people really! They do tend to go slightly batty and more animated.

Take a look at the thread on the link below this will probably put things into perspective.... This is Flower 10 years of age and currently residing with Bev above! Add to the list on this thread the fact she was found knee deep in their pond the other day and is currently excavating their garden....

greyhoundgap.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=chat&action=display&thread=72540

[andywillow]

I find it quite sad that the poor girl is referred to as"My husbands greyhound"
Surely now you're married she's become a pet to you both? At her age she should be spoilt not tolerated. Also if she's always had access to the sofa why stop that now?
I'm afraid if I was ever to meet anyone who tried to change the ways of my dogs they would be told to pack their bags. The dog has been your husbands companion for a long time and is at an age now where she should be cherished even more.
Sorry if this sounds a little blunt but your husband must feel the same but probably darent say it

Also if she poo'd on your wedding day, had she been left much longer than normal?

I'd try very hard to win her over, buy her chicken, and spoil her lots, it usually works Hope things settle with her and you realise just how special these old hounds are

[Magpie]

im with sue (andywillow) on this try to fit in more with the old grey sorry you never mentioned her having a name which says a lot to me, she is elderly and stuck in her ways she needs to feel more secure and loved in her envirament she will pick up and sense that you dont like her which will make her react differently she dosent know what you want from her turfed off the sofa, moved, a new peron in her life its a lot for a dog of any age let alone an oldie look at it from her point of view and try to love her quirky ways as you would an elderly relative

[alexandsteve]

She will be very sensitive to how you feel about her and will know if you don't like her ( it's sound like your not too keen). It's easy to get along with a dog if you really love it, pooing, weeing, puking are things that they all do and im sure she didn't pick your wedding day deliberately to poo in the hall.
My hounds no longer come on the sofa as my Whippet has disc disease so can't jump, so I have a great big thick bed for him on the floor right by my place on the sofa so he still can have strokes and cuddles and be by my side. Often I'll just sit on the floor with him on his bed whilst watching tv, he loves that. Maybe if you really can't let he on the sofa you can make a big comfy bed next to your sofa so she doesn't feel so left out.

Lots of treats, love and understanding is what she needs, she will ask for nothing more.

[highlandnlights]

Nov 13, 2012 11:25:41 GMT -5 Lisa said:

Greyhounds should ALWAYS be fed two meals a day and from a raised feeder.

Sorry for the misunderstanding, I explained myself in the wrong way there. She's always been fed twice a day, but few hours apart. So we changed the time of the second meal but not the fact she was being fed twice of course.

Nov 13, 2012 11:25:41 GMT -5 Lisa said:

Greyhounds are quite aloof dogs BUT as they get older they do get more attentive and enjoy their humans company and become a little more tolerant. The whining is possibly more of an indicator she needs to go to the toilet more often, is getting hungrier as she gets older.

I had tried that guess too and let her out even a dozen times during morning and afternoon. I'm now keeping an eye on her more closely and she doesn't go outside to pee, she eats the garden's grass. Nothing wrong with that, but it seems that the whining is connected to the food/eating habits. She's always crying for food, even though she's been just fed.

Nov 13, 2012 11:25:41 GMT -5 Lisa said:

I am hastenting a guess that a large part of this if she has had 7 years being allowed the comfort of a sofa and now isnt that that again may be half the problem. Declare one of the sofas hers and place a throw on it and let her be she will settle much easier.

My bad explanation here too. She wasn't allowed to go on the sofa, she was doing it when my husband used to forget to put the cushions up high. The fact that now the living room is a closed room doesn't offer any chance to do it anymore.

Nov 13, 2012 11:25:41 GMT -5 Lisa said:

Im not sure what exactly it is that you are both losing your temper about with her from your posts is it simply her asking for more attention and being a bit more vocal about it? One thing I have learnt over the years is the one thing greyhounds HATE with a passion is being ignored! If so then try again to see it from her point of view. If everytime you spoke to your husband or your husband spoke to you and you wanted each others attention you got ignored or cranky with each other it would make you more concious of the fact and more likely to work harder for attention because you are desperate to put things right make the person like you more. She may be worried and her attention seeking behaviour is becoming a force of habit because she isnt sure what went wrong. As you said yourself she was your husbands constant companion for 7 years and now she has someone else to contend with, a house move, a new routine she must be feeling really really confused at her age. Just try to relax with her. I do feel though that if she is now only being tolerated and is getting on both your nerves that her end days may not be fruitful or enjoyable and you both really have to sit down and decide whether you can cope with her being around anymore. I dont say that lightly but would hate for you two to continue falling out and her getting more and more insecure if she is becoming a burden.

That was my idea actually, although I would hate doing that.
The fact I'm here is that I'd like to understand what's best for the dog, not just us. The fact we're arguing is due to the fact that now she has become a burden to my husband too. And my argument is that he shouldn't have taken her if for him she was only a companion until he found a 'human' one, that was the wrong choice.
His only solution would be to rehome her and choose another dog. I'm trying to tell him that I wouldn't like to have another dog because there's nothing wrong with this one. It's difficult to make him understand that probably at this stage of our life a dog isn't fitting in it anymore.
As someone remarked here or in another blog I read today, a dog is for life and shouldn't be rehomed or worst abandoned when something better comes up.

[highlandnlights]

Nov 13, 2012 11:12:08 GMT -5 craigandbev said:

My husband and I own and foster older greyhounds and I would ask you to read Lisa's thread
We also didn't go on honeymoon but it was a mutual decision as we didn't want to put the dogs we had at the time in kennels. We enjoyed our time off with our dogs
I hope things work out for you all. What is the greyhound's name?

Bev

It's Duchess. She won few races too. Well the point is that our mutual decision would be to go on honeymoon and... I think that's the main point of the whole situation. In few words, my husband isn't contrary to anything but then it uses Duchess as an excuse not to go anywhere. So there are few arguments between us because of that.

Thanks, I'll have a look at Lisa's thread

[highlandnlights]

Nov 13, 2012 13:41:58 GMT -5 andywillow said:

I find it quite sad that the poor girl is referred to as"My husbands greyhound"
Surely now you're married she's become a pet to you both? At her age she should be spoilt not tolerated. Also if she's always had access to the sofa why stop that now?
I'm afraid if I was ever to meet anyone who tried to change the ways of my dogs they would be told to pack their bags. The dog has been your husbands companion for a long time and is at an age now where she should be cherished even more.
Sorry if this sounds a little blunt but your husband must feel the same but probably darent say it

Also if she poo'd on your wedding day, had she been left much longer than normal?

I'd try very hard to win her over, buy her chicken, and spoil her lots, it usually works Hope things settle with her and you realise just how special these old hounds are

I've no idea if my husband feel the same because if he does he never said that. No, she can't be one of my pets because I barely spent 6 months with her and my husband nearly 7 years. As a step-owner... she can be my step-pet, if I'm allowed the association. I actually over-spoiled her and fed her lots of treaats at the beginning and the vet stopped me because she had grown too fat

You should take into account that dogs have personalities too.
I've seen lots of people commenting here that I should pet her, if I do she growls. She's always been that way though, even with my husband. She accepts being petted only before eating. If you don't give her a biscuit after petting her she starts whining continuously. My husband doens't pet her much either. Last weekend my nieces and nephew-in-law were here and she retired to her bed quite pi$$ed because they wanted to pet her.

I think what changed is that my husband was 'ignoring' her because he wasn't here for many hours during the day because of his job so she was free of doing whatever. Now she feels like my presence doesn't allow her to do any mischief anymore and she tends to retire to her bed continuously.

Mmm in response to someone who told me I'm not overly keen, I'm not. First time with a greyhound at home and I'm not overly excited at the idea of getting another one in the future.

[elmuervo]

You've had some fabulous advice and insight on this thread: Please heed what people with vast experience, love and compassion for the breed are telling you .


By the way, what's her name?


The only thing I'd add to what's been said already is that animals don't have an agenda of spite: They are not vengeful, and to even consider your [husband's] greyhound to be so is to make a grave mistake of the facts. When they are unhappy they act out of insecurity, need, desperation, confusion (all huge stressors) . . . just as when they are happy that sense of well-being, confidence and security shines from them. That is what you need to win back for her: Her confidence that home is still home .


Please understand that she didn't poo on your wedding day out of spite . I imagine it was a day of hurly burly and high excitement for you humans, but a day of huge stress for her which is why she was poorly indoors . And that's a huge difference in emphasis: She was poorly, not naughty or spiteful .


Your challenge here is to empathise and to want - to try - to understand why she is currently so unhappy, poor girl . She's old, she's vulnerable, she's confused, everything she knew to be normal has changed, the atmosphere is sometimes hostile now because everyone is so anxious . . . . Just love her, try to understand her, don't engage in warfare with her and make her the enemy . . . she's just doing what she can to try to survive in her 'new' world - that's what animals do.


All best wishes for your girl, and good luck


Jo
x

[Lisa]

All I can say after reading on more with slight horror is if all this is genuine and not a wind up can Duchess please come to Greyhound Gap? I have already secured a potential foster home for her where she would be indulged and allowed to be a typical old greyhound bag for the rest of her days.

I feel saddened for her. In fact my heart breaks for her. There is no greater hurt in the world than feeling unwanted.

I would beg you to ask your husband NOT to get another dog in the future. What happens when they grows old/cantankerous and has needs? Is that dog then cast aside and replaced? I know I am probably out of line saying this but I hope to god you are years older than him and that he doesnt find you an inconvenience in the future or you may get traded in. I honestly feel so hurt for this dog.

Please please for Duchess's sake discuss it. We have a place ready and waiting for her and are happy to take her NOW literally.