OMG am I doing the right thing?

[vickyb]

We've got 2 older dogs, River 11yr old grumpy saluki lurcher & Trixie 13yrs small - mid size non pointy and Gracie 3yr old grey and foster grey Maddie, 1-2yrs ish.
Maddie is so sweet and we fostered her with a 'see how we cope with 4' view to maybe failing .

Now she's settled and over spaying she's like a mad poopie and her and Gracie are jousting, grrrrring and acting like boxing kangaroos the minute they are outside and trying to do it in the house too They tear around together and rip their coats and have a great time together if not kept in check.

The problem is that the oldies HATE it and are not happy, I think Trix is feeling intimidated and I feel awful for them. In my heart I don't think Trix has too long with us as she has a few medical problems and I don't want her to be unhappy.

We'd love to keep Maddie but don't think it's right for the others, but assumed it would be ages before we had to make the decision but then when we were out today we met a nice couple with a retreiver who said their sister was looking for a dog like Maddie, or they might be too as she was getting on great with their dog. They took some pics of her and said they'll contact the rescue.

Now of course I'm questioning what we should do If she was a Gap dog I know I'd be sure that she was going to the right home which would make it easier. One minute I think of course she should stay, then the next it's no she should go

Am I doing right to put the needs of the oldies first? I think Gracie will miss her as will we or do you think I can work on them to calm them down, or is that unfair to them? She is so sweet, loves everyone, cat friendly, all dog friendly, will make a wonderful addition to someones household, should it be ours?

Aggh, please tell me what you think

PS to anyone who's seen my posts asking for advice about her, it's all been minor teething things, ok she's not perfect but I think she has the potential to be.

[Eric & Tinker's hooman slaves]

Humm have you tried exercising the younger uns together seperately from the older hounds to knacker the young uns out and to use up all their boisterous energy?

That may help with the oldies having some "me time" as well without the young uns being in their faces all the time as well.

Carol

[hippyhounds]

we also have this problem with 1 oldie and 3 young ones.some days they drive oskar nuts but we seperate them when things get to much for him.
its really hard to let your foster go but i always think room to help the next one.lisa will tell you my first about 4 or 5 fosters i wanted to keep but always new i wouldnt be able to foster anymore so let them go.its going to be so hard when scoots gets his forever home as hes been here 7 months but i know its the right thing to do. for us and him.
its so hard to make the right decision for yourselve but i always speak to lisa and she makes me see sense.

[Lisa]

In a nutshell... after having her for as long as you have now if you still have doubts whether she is right for your home or you are right for her then sadly I would say the answer is let her go.

I have a pain in the arse with my foster homes wanting to keep every dog as I match them so well they want to keep everyone as they arnt a problem. Its only after they have had a few they realise its judgement not luck.

If she was right to stay permanantly you wouldnt have a shadow of a doubt at all.

[helen7]

I agree with Lisa. I was going to post something similar when I read your thread earlier but didn't get chance. We've had a few fosters here (and kept 2) and you just know when it's right and when it isn't. I think if you are questioning it after she's lived with you and your family, then sadly she isn't the one for you

I wonder whether an element of you wants to hang on to her because she is so 'perfect' in the sense that she is dog friendly with all breeds and cat friendly etc. and so parting with her feels harder because 'what if you don't get another like her/as good as her'. Are you worrying about whether you'll regret it if you let her go and then the next hound isn't as 'perfect' and perhaps you should have held onto her? But if she was so perfect, you'd be hanging onto her for dear life not wondering whether you should or not. I think you probably already know all this but your heart keeps telling you 'but what if....' It's hard, I know, but be strong and the right hound will come along for you and all your hounds

[vickyb]

I think that a part of it is that she is right for us, or as right as any would be at her age for the oldies, but I've kept saying'she's a foster you can't keep her', when if I hadn't I wouldn't be asking this question. I've definately held back from her because I knew I couldn't part with her if not.
Tony and Gracie would love to keep her, Riv just grumps, Trix is my personal stumbling block.

Carol, I will try taking them out separately although Riv is still up to a short tear about with them so will try mixing them up a bit too.
Thanks all x

[Princess C]

It's tough, isn't it? I'm a serial failure - Theo, Matilda and Minstrel all started as fosters ;D When deliberating over whether Min should stay (and I fell head over heels in love with him the moment I saw him ) my concern wasn't for the others, but for him - he loves people (as anyone who has met him will confirm ) and I live alone, could I offer him the very best and most suitable home for the next twelve or so years? Would he better in a home with teenage children, with more comings and goings? He clearly loves the other dogs and has good relationships with all of them, but is that enough? In the end I concluded that I would just have to work harder to make him happy and completely fulfilled so he does get more stimulation than the others.

Having said that, there was very little interest in him in the four months he spent up for rehoming, and not a single home that had teenage children and dogs...so maybe I was right to keep him! I think you probably know in your heart what the best thing to do is

[Deleted]

I think let her go, I know that you think no one will love & care for her like you do but they will. Also look at it from another angle she may be happier in a home without older dogs & you stressing about keeping everyone happy.

I really wanted to keep 2 of my fosters, Fergal & Dozer but I knew that there was a better home out there for them, someone who would have more time for their needs & I was right because they are both ridiculously happy in their new homes. Far happier than they would have been with me.

I have a new approach to fostering in that they go to a new home but if doesn't work out for whatever reason then it was meant to be & they can stay with me.

[just jackie]

Jan 7, 2009 16:25:21 GMT -5 Lisa said:

In a nutshell... after having her for as long as you have now if you still have doubts whether she is right for your home or you are right for her then sadly I would say the answer is let her go.

I have a pain in the arse with my foster homes wanting to keep every dog as I match them so well they want to keep everyone as they arnt a problem. Its only after they have had a few they realise its judgement not luck.

If she was right to stay permanantly you wouldnt have a shadow of a doubt at all.

You mean like I didn't have any doubts about Brie Lisa?

As Alisa has said about Min I had similar reservations about offering Brie a permanent home here. She is only just two years old, and in fact had her second birthday shortly after arriving here, whereas the rest of our lot are considerably older. Shadlybobs is 13+ going on 90 ;D, Gypsy is 11ish, but looks older most of the time due to the fact she has deformed front legs and a distinct waddle , and Lilli is the youngest at approx 6 years. Maybe the fact that Brie is a greyhound, and quite laid back has meant that she has fitted in more easily than I at first thought she would.

We lost Cassie ;D our elderly greyhound girl the day after Brie arrived, and Lisa was convinced that fate had lent a hand in things, and that Brie was meant to come to us. It took me 3 months to decide that Lisa was right, and that Brie could be happy here with us 'oldies', and in fact we have since adopted our little whippet Twiggylet who is just coming up to her second birthday. ;D

I will add that I wouldn't have contemplated taking on such young dogs if it wasn't for the knowledge that Gap and Lisa are there for them, and that should the worse happen, and we are unable to continue Lisa will ensure that they are cared for. That's if she can prise them away from Lynne and Colin.

There have been a number of other young hounds who have spent time with us, China and Teddy to name but two, and I will admit to finding it very difficult to let go of them, but as Wanda has said I knew there were better homes waiting for them. ;D

Vicky I obviously can't tell you whether or not you should keep Maddie. Ultimately only you know what is right for you, your other hounds, and for her, but somehow you will reach the right decision I'm sure.

Good Luck
Jackie
x

[Lisa]

Yeah right Jackie 3months more like 3 seconds thats why she never went up for homing as I knew I wouldnt get her back. Just cos your daft doesnt mean im stupid ;D

The difference is with Brie *I* sent her where *I* knew she would stay. Cat friendly greyhound that nervous, scared and needy there was no way you would have ever let her go because your too much of a *Mother* and for a dog like that there would only have been fear in a busier environment there quite simply wasnt a better home out there for her. There were way too many hands of fate involved including Ginny ending up at Hilarys instead of coming to you.

[Jen Wren]

I agree with the above. I have had Biggly Biggins here for over a year now and people keep saying to me how will I let him go now he's been here for ages.

It was a difficult start for us and there were times when I could have quite happily sent him back to Gap thinking he wasn't the right match due to work etc. I felt Biggles was owed the chance to prove me wrong and thankfully he has. He has settled nicely with my lot and to tell you the truth I can't see my house without Biggins.

I feel very overprotective towards him and in my mind no one could understand Biggles like I do and I worry about new potential homes not giving him time to settle so it often crosses my mind whether I could let him go.

HOWEVER, I am fully aware that my home is not the right home for Biggles, I don't know how but you just know in your heart whether you are the perfect fit and somehow it's not. I also don't want my ability to foster be affected which it would be taking on another dog.

Fella came here after Biggles as a sort of foster and I knew within 10 mins of him being here he was staying. Life's weird like that.

[vickyb]

Well, someone's coming to see Maddie this weekend . They sound great and with my op looming I couldn't keep her.
The problem is that Tony is gutted, he really wanted her to stay and was even working out ways of sorting it out while I'm out of action. Has anyone else had this ? I feel so mean but he's not here all day with them and when he's here it's both of us.

I've tried the 'there's a better home for her' but he's convinced no one will look after her as well as us